Every relationship I’ve ever been in was built on uncertainty. They were just like the movies, where there would be some sort of conflict and unrequited love. It was exciting, it made me think that all love needs to be that way. That we need to overcome some kind of problem in order to truly appreciate each other.
Is there love without the drama? I find it hard to believe that every relationship needs to be built off of some kind of crisis. But that’s just what I’m used to, I’m used to having to fight for it. Even though my past relationships didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean there wasn’t something done right in all of that wrong.
Can it all just be smiles and butterflies? On one hand, I’ve heard that love is a constant uphill battle. But on the other hand, I’ve heard when it’s the one everything is easy. I feel like it can’t be both.
Without the drama, there just seems to be a lack of excitement. And as someone who grew up on star crossed lovers and as a hopeless romantic, I just don’t know if I can commit to a drama free love. Bella couldn’t be with Edward because he was a vampire. I couldn’t be with one of my exes because of an age difference. We like to be able to fight for someone – so what do we do when they’re just sitting in the palm of our hands, no problems in sight?
All we want to do is fall in love, we’re all so addicted to the feeling. We want someone to want us, we want to be needed, we want everything we’ve read in the books or we’ve seen in the movies. Can love really be easier than we thought it was? Can you get everything you’ve ever wanted and more without putting your life on the line for someone? Can that addicting love be obtained without all of the drama?
We’re just not used to things in life being simple, especially when it comes to love.
Taking it slow sounds easy enough. You’re trying to ease into a new relationship, tip toe around some things to avoid rushing in too fast and getting hurt. There’s nothing wrong with taking it slow. In fact, I would encourage it. Falling head over heels in love sounds nice and all – but it also sounds like a good way to end up disappointed.
But taking it slow really isn’t as easy as it seems. Because when it comes to love, almost everything is telling you to go faster. Your heart is beating faster. You want to smile more, hold hands more, touch more. You want to kiss more. You want to move faster. You want love all at once.
We all want love and the addicting feeling of being happy and feeling wanted. So when it comes to relationships, we want to tumble into it as fast as possible in order to feel the euphoria. Even when we swear up and down we’re going to take it slow, there’s just no stopping something that picks up so much momentum like relationships do.
All you can really do is take a couple steps back every once in a while. Breathe in the air. There’s no reason for you to sign away your commitment after a couple of dates – even if you feel that addicting feeling of love and would give it all right now.
If you can’t take it slow, don’t be afraid to take breaks when you can. Because when you’re taking it slow, the build up is subtle and sweet. When you jump in too fast, you’ll be just as quick to retreat.
Just because you’re moving at a snail’s pace doesn’t mean you’re not going to end up anywhere. It just means you get to enjoy the view a little longer.
So you got hurt. It happens to all of us eventually and we all cope with it in different ways. Many people choose to build a wall to keep everyone out, to keep future hurt from getting in.
And it kind of feels like nothing will ever break that wall down again. Nothing or no one. People try to chip away at it, but you are still there to reinforce it. You don’t want a broken heart again, you can’t let anyone in.
That seems true for a while, but people have often told me that once the right person comes along – everything will change. You let them chip away, you let them in, you let your guard down.
But it’s been so long since you let anyone get that close and the feeling is terrifying. Why? Because you’re feeling everything all at once. All the emotions you refused to feel before, all the hurt you’ve been avoiding is looming in front of you, all the love that you’ve feared is staring you straight in the eye.
You should let your guard down when the right person comes along, but just know that the feeling is overwhelming. That you’re going to feel like everything is about to go wrong. That you’re going to be terrified of being hurt again. That everything you’ve ever wanted could be right in front of you.
You are going to feel everything all at once. And realize how much better that is than feeling nothing at all.
I’m afraid of a lot of things. I’m afraid of sharks, I’ve devised a plan that if I ever came across one I would just let it eat me. I’m afraid of spiders, they make me actually scream like a little girl. I’m afraid of heights, more specifically I’m afraid of falling and dying.
But the chances of me coming across a shark are pretty rare. And my fear of spiders doesn’t keep me from going outside. I may hate heights, but I love the feeling of my stomach dropping when I fall.
You can’t let fear get in the way of living your life.
I think a lot of us have fears when it comes to relationships. Even when we’re over the past, we’re never really over it. We never forget the heart break or the awful feeling of breaking up with someone. We never forget the lows, we really never even forget the highs. And that makes us fear jumping in with someone new.
Because with every new relationship, there is the sting of an old one. Every teeny tiny similarity will make you shudder. She just got out of a relationship? Remember that one time you were a rebound? He has cheated on a past girlfriend? Remember when you got cheated on?
Every action in a new relationship will cause a reaction. And it’s okay, because these reactions should allow you to protect yourself. It’s okay to be a little afraid. But these reactions should not make you build a wall and retreat. It’s not okay to stop living because you’re afraid.
You shouldn’t deny yourself happiness just because of your past. You are letting old memories destroy your new ones. It’s just not fair to you. That someone who hurt you in your past, someone who clearly didn’t deserve you, is still causing you to be afraid of something new and exciting.
You can’t let fear get in the way of living in any aspect of life. Fear and excitement are two very similar emotions – embrace them, stop running away.
I’ll also see things along the lines of trying to find a hook up on snapchat or instagram. I also will see just other very random things that I’m not sure what you’re looking for but I found it on my blog. As always, I write to help people as well as myself. So this link round up of my most commonly searched and read blog posts may help you – it definitely reminded me of a thing or two
Overall, when writer’s block strikes, I have one rule. Don’t stop writing. Even if it doesn’t make sense, or isn’t on your normal beat, or just seems dumb to you – don’t stop. Eventually an idea will come out of nowhere, but here are some ways to beat writer’s block:
Compile a list of ideas
When you’re not blocked, make a list of ideas that will spark something when you are suffering from writer’s block.
Losing friends is a part of life. With any relationship, sometimes people just get distanced from each other. They fight, they grow apart, they move, they let something get in the way.
But just because you lose touch for a little while doesn’t mean you’re meant to stay apart forever. We all have some friends that we left in the past because they were just not good for us. But we all also have friends we left in the past that need to be brought into the present.
It’s not easy to reach out to people you’ve lost touch with. So much time has passed, it seems a little awkward to ask someone how they’ve been doing for the last five years. But you had a great friendship before and there’s no reason to not have it again.
You have to forgive anything that may have happened in the past. Whether it be a fight, or they stopped keeping in contact with you no matter how hard you tried, or you just haven’t made the time to see them in 10 years. You have to forgive it all. If you’re willing to rekindle the friendship, any bad blood from the past needs to be obsolete.
And you need to be open. Your friends have grown into different people just as you have. Deep down we still have parts of us that stay the same, but those are the parts you just don’t give away to people. You have to be open to the new person your friend has become.
Lastly, you need to be patient. Friendships don’t grow overnight. It’s been so long that this friendship is basically starting from the beginning. You aren’t going to hang out every day and be best buds right away. It takes time, just like it did the first time around.
It is totally worth it to reconnect with old friends who are worth your time. Don’t waste your time on the ones who weren’t really good friends, but do spend the time with the ones who have always cared. Don’t be afraid to reach out, the special people in your life are hard to come by.
Rules for Participating in Blogger Recognition Award
Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
Write a post to show your award.
Attach the award to your post.
Give a brief story of how you blog started.
Give a piece of advice or two to new bloggers
Select 15 other blogs you want to give the award to.
Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them and provide a link to the award post you created.
I was nominated for a Blogger Recognition Award by Char Of London :) Thank you so much for the nomination!!
Hookup Culture has come a longggg way from where I began with it. The start of the blog you see now started approximately a year ago. I graduated from college and really put things into gear, posting more frequently and taking a lifestyle approach to my writing instead of just dating. My blog was initially a class project and only really focused on dating and the “hookup culture” we experience in college.
Advice for new bloggers
Post frequently and engage with other blogs. Comment on others and you will get engagement in return!
I’m not going to nominate 15, but here are some blogs that deserve a shout out! If you don’t do awards- no big deal, I just love your blog
People that have fully embraced independence just don’t function the same as an average person.
Independent people fully accept being alone, their personal space, and doing things on their own. They don’t expect help from anyone. They don’t expect anyone else to come around and encroach on their personal time.
It’s not like they don’t want to be around people. They just don’t have to be all the time.
When it comes to dating, highly independent people need time to warm up to the idea of letting someone lend a hand. The idea of having less personal time and more communication.
And in these days of technology, it almost feels impossible to be independent of everyone. To be independent of your Twitter followers, to be independent of your family on Facebook, to be independent of your friends on Instagram, to be independent of your significant other.
Everyone is everywhere literally all the time. But we don’t need that kind of suffocation. We don’t need to know what you’re doing at all times and we don’t expect you to want to know that information from us. In fact, as an independent person, it makes us cringe to think of nonstop telling someone all about our day as it’s happening.
It’s too much. Give us time to miss you. We don’t need to text all day every day – that’s a sure way to drive an independent person away. We don’t want all of our space invaded right away. It’s not because we don’t like you, it’s not because you’re not great. It’s just because we’re not used to it and we just don’t function that much.
Less is more with independent people. We appreciate your company, we just don’t need your life to be completely combined with ours. We can still be together, but separately.
Break ups are pretty much the worst. Whether you are the one initiating the break up or you are the one being broken up with.
In most cases, you don’t want to hurt the person that you’ve been in a relationship with – no matter how long it lasted. Special feelings are developed when you commit to someone. Sometimes those feelings develop more on one side than the other.
It’s no one’s fault. You’re not getting broken up with because you’re not good looking or not smart or not fun. It’s just not working out on one side of the relationship. And it sucks for the person doing the breaking up just as much as it does for the one who is getting broken up with.
Because as humans, we just don’t want to let people down. We don’t want to disappoint. But when I break up with someone, I feel all of that disappointment. I feel so sorry that I couldn’t make it work out. That I couldn’t fall in love with you the way you fell in love with me.
Is it our fault that we don’t feel as deeply as someone else? I think in some ways, you can limit yourself to opening up to a relationship or cause some riffs to just make it seem like the relationship should end. You make excuses for yourself.
But if you just can’t justify that person as being “the one,” then there’s not much you can do about it. The fair thing is to break up with them – even if that seems just so unfair.
The falling out of love and the break ups and the disappointment can easily make you afraid of relationships. Yes, of course, we all want to fall in love. But no, I definitely do not want to have to break up with someone again. I fear that even more than being broken up with at this point. Because at least if I’m being dumped, I can be disappointed in my partner. When I break up with someone, I feel their disappointment in me and my disappointment in myself.